(April 17)
I woke with the thought of you instantly in my head.
This thought was more painful then usual.
I looked at the calender and saw the date.
I won’t lie, I did cry as I became more lucid with the thought of the date now in my head.
Thinking about what had happened exactly a year ago with you.
But remember, It was that special to me.
I don’t know if it was for you…But, I hope it was.
These days are getting longer and longer. And so is the distance between you and I.
I wish it wasn’t like this.
I wish your voice wasn’t a sound track in my head.
Telling me things that hurt. Telling me things that heal.
I’m caught on this web again. The web I was stuck to when you found me.
Not sure if I should turn left or right.
Only this time. I.m not afraid to choose.
I wish you could see who I am now.
Even though it hasn’t been very long.
I feel like I’ve spent a thousand lives without you.
If your reading this
Its not meant to make sense
Or be poetic.
Its just my thoughts.
I’m writing down.
So they aren’t left in my head clouding me.

Mixed Up Thoughts

When you know that your not strong enough to move on?

When every second their on your mind?

When all your mistakes you made seems so foolish?

When its too late to take it back or change your mind?

When you wish you could hate, but no matter how hard you try you can't?

When you fall asleep and you dream only of their face, feel only their embrace, hear only their voice in your ear?

When you cry and you realize no one really cares?

What do you do?

What can you do?

When your alone?

When your stuck?

When you need a hug and no will give you one?

When you stop dead in your tracks because it all hits you at once?

Don't cry

Can't cry

Don't care

Won't care

Try to hate
It'll be your shield from the pain

Did it hurt you?

Am I on your mind?

Did you cry for me? 

 

Do you crave my  touch, like I crave yours?

Do you crave my kiss like I crave yours?

Do you crave my love still, like I still crave yours?

When you left...so did everyone one else...

But..that's my fault too.

Farewell love

Farewell friend

Farewell plans

Farewell...


(p.s. The worst part is... you did the same to me...and broke my heart twice.. I forgave you then, but now... I take it all back...You proved to me.. that i was right to never trust you.)

Missing you by Shiloh

Missing you, just isn't easy.
But not everything in this life can be as simple as paper birds
Its not just about the love that we make
Or how it feels when you kiss me
We build this place together
And it can so easily be torn apart
So easily ripped away from you like it never even existed
Maybe one day we'll have the strength to rebuild

Missing you
Missing you
Missing you
Just isn't easy
Click Me To Watch The Video

N-O-R-M-A-L?

I knew what normal was. I never really realized that it hasn't been "normal"... Has it ever been normal? What is the definition of true normal if normal never was, and never can be true?

A Recent Conversation...

A conversation with my friend Collin had made me think more and more about life after death and if there even is any. We came down to several ending conclusions. One being that humans are recycled. This is in a scientific way. We are recycled we become one with the earth that nourished because ATOMS NEVER DIE!

(please note here. Im Logical Spiritual  Agnostic. Therefore won't deny a exsistance of a God. I believe in pathways to divine happiness.)

Scientifically when we die our brain only starts dying. Electrodes are fired off and destroy everything. This is what scientist believe is the "bright white light" we see when we die.

Now anything after that is beyond anything we know. But I want to except that fact, there is NO LIFE after death. But I can't. A way my friend put it as > Do you remember before you were born?

No.. And if that's the case...What are ghost?

Agression Level 4.0

(archived from feb 2011)

Well I was surfin YouTube when I came across a techno song called "Unreal Tournament" by Aggressions-level 4.0.. Now.. I have no clue what this game is about, or what you do in it. But from what I could tell this guy was pretty upset that he didn't get to play Unreal Tournament. This video is in German so my language translation was slightly off I'm sure. But he is screaming angry sounding things at the top of his lungs. The few words that are in English are "Access denied", "Access granted" and "Communication system overload. Communication shutdown"

I mean think about it. Why are video games so addicting? WHY?! I mean I love video games, and computers... But I don't think I'd come to the point where I was screaming at the top of the lungs just cause it wouldn't work properly.

So I guess the lesson would be: Less technology and more activity?

I don't know. But this post is relevant because of the fact that this guy decided to challenge himself to computer games over life...


hmm...lesson learned...Time to play Minecraft X]

Vujicic

I think you might have heard of him. He is a unmistakable impact of change, and his name is Nick Vujicic. After watching his interview with Oprah I was just blown away. He is probably the most positive person I've heard of. He has no arms, and no legs, and he has done things most of us wouldn't dare to. And he does this without arms, or legs. In a video I watch where he had gone to a school and gave a speech he had said...
"I realize I may not have hands to hold my wife's hand. But when the time comes, Ill be able to hold her heart. And that is more important than anything."

That quote made me think of how life was for me. He found that he may not be able to do something, but he can do something that is more important.

(achieve from feb 2011)